License to Drive

Jakarta traffic is chaotic to put it mildly. We've gone almost two years here without ever really needing a car. Sure, we thought, it would be nice to be able to hop in the car and drive to a store or out to eat, but the costs greatly outweighed the benefits. But recently a friend had to leave without her car because it's still awaiting a bunch of Indonesian red tape to transfer the title from when she bought it back in July. So we're holding onto it for her.

I figured I should get a license if I was going to be driving regularly, so I joined a group of people from the embassy to go to the local equivalent of the DMV. But this is Indonesia. Jakarta has one place for all 10 plus million people to get their driver licenses.

When you enter the building, there's a giant map on the wall that explains the simple 10 steps to getting your license.

Step 1: Eye exam - wait in line to pay the fee and fill out the form for the eye exam (an entrepreneurial old woman is selling pencils seeing as they're not provided). Wait in second line for actual eye exam.

Step 2: Forms - Pay second fee for obtaining the necessary forms. Fill out these forms.

Step 3: Data entry - take the forms to another room to have your information entered in the computer.

Step 4: Fee - Pay third fee (I think this was the fee for our photo and actual card).

Steps 5-8: Learn to drive - we got to skip driving school and video game driving test.

Step 9: Photo and thumbprint - we entered a small room with around 10 other people to wait to have our photos taken, thumbprints scanned and to sign the electronic reader.

Step 10: Driver License - the cards were ready after only an additional waiting time of one more hour!

So after 3 hours at the DMV in a building with no air conditioning, I'm now legally allowed to drive! Next step - mastering driving with hundreds of motorcycles darting out from every direction while people wheel food carts down the middle of major streets.

True Story

Ice cream shop employee: "Cup or Cone?"

Customer: "Sorry?"

Employee: "Cup or Cone?"

Customer: "Oh, cone, please!"

Employee: "Sorry, we're out of cones."

Who has the key?

In East Java, a local government recently passed a law that requires Indonesian masseuses to have a lock on their pants, so that the client knows there's no funny business going on. What I find humorous is that they can also wear locking skirts. I'm sure this law will be very effective.

I want to know what the girls do when they need to go to the bathroom though.

Quiz

Question: What do you do when your 4 year-old boy has to go to the bathroom in the middle of a crowded mall?

Answer: Easy. Have the nanny pull down his pants, pull out an empty 7-Up bottle and let him do his business.

Why didn't you just say so?

Here’s the scene: John and I are at one of our favorite restaurants, a dim-sum place. A popular drink here is a lime squash, which is basically lime juice, sugar, and club soda. We ordered two lime squashes and they brought us two lemon squashes. The whole conversation was in Indonesian, by the way.

Hillary: We ordered lime squashes.

Waitress: Yes, lime squash.

Hill: This is lemon, not lime.

Waitress: Lemon?

Hill: Yes, this is lemon. We ordered lime.

Waitress: Yes, lime squash.

Hill: But this is not lime, this is lemon. Lime is green, lemon is yellow. (Pointing to the lemon slice in the drink) This is lemon. We ordered lime.

Waitress: Lemon squash?

Hill: No, see here on the menu? (Pointing) We ordered lime squash. See? Lime squash.

(She brings over another waitress and we go through the charade again.)

Lemon. Lime. Lemon. Lime etc.

(She finally brings a manager over. He is holding a lemon.)

Manager: This is a lemon.

Hill: Yes.

Manager: Different than lime, yes?

Hill: Yes.

Manager: We are out of limes!

Hill: Oh, I see. Thank you.

Only in Indonesia would it take 20 minutes to get to that point!

Not Quite 40 days and 40 nights

Jakarta is a big city. It's also a low-lying coastal city. As Jakarta continues to grow in sprawl, forests are replaced by roads and houses. And roads and houses don't soak up water.

Two nights ago, our friend Brent arrived and we took him out for dinner. By the time we got home at around 11 p.m., it had started to rain...hard. The rain didn't stop until the next afternoon around 3 p.m. In around 16 hours, Jakarta got a month's worth of rain according to some news reports. That spells bad news.

The airport reopened today, but there's no way to reach it because all the roads to it are still flooded. Over 40 flights had to turn around and go back yesterday. We're praying that since the rain seems to have stopped, our friends coming in late tonight

won't have any problems.

Yesterday many neighborhoods of Jakarta had water that was around 3 feet deep. This happens every year, but construction still runs rampant and apparently someone thinks it would be a waste of money to make drainage improvements. T.I.I.

Conservation

Indonesia is home to the most biodiversity in the world. The government is trying to take steps to prevent all sorts of environmental catastrophes. One tragedy that no one has yet addressed affects us greatly.


The menu shortage.


When you go to a restaurant (even one that caters to expats and rich Indonesians), you'll be lucky to get one menu per customer. Even if you order an appetizer and say you're going to order more food in a minute, you'll have to fight to keep your menu. And god forbid if you're at a bar and you want to save the one drink menu for your friends who haven't yet arrived. After you spend long enough in a place, these small things start to wear on you.


So please people, think of the menus.


T.I.I.